Communications and Media

    When Harry Met Sally is a film that follows the relationship between a man, Harry, and a woman, Sally. The two meet right after college graduation when they both have a need to New York City. Harry is beginning a graduate program and Sally is beginning her career. As the pair drive across the country, they learn many important things about one another, including the approach each had towards a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. As the film progresses, two distinct opinions regarding friendships between men and women emerge. Harrys opinion is that Men and women cant be friends because the sex part always gets in the way (Ephron, 1989). On the other hand, Sally believes that men and women can be friends without having sex. This is the theme that becomes most prevalent in the film and leads to several conclusions about communication and the development of an intimate relationship. The impressions that Harry and Sally have of one another are discussed including past experiences, values, beliefs, and attitudes that help form these impressions. A discussion of how these impressions change over the course of the film is also offered. The paper concludes by discussing uncertainty reduction strategies that the characters use.

    Harry and Sally are quite ambivalent towards one another when they first meet. Their initial relationship is built on their common need to get to New York City. Neither of the characters is looking for an intimate relationship and this does not enter into the picture during their drive from Chicago to New York. In fact, the two disagree on the nature of male female relationships to the point that when they reach New York City the separate on less than friendly terms. These impressions are based on the preconceived notions that each brought to the relationship. For example, Harrys experiences led him to believe that men and women could not have relationships without sexual activity while Sallys past experiences led her to believe that this was possible. This disagreement led to much these first impressions.

    Five years later Harry and Sally find themselves on the same place and each reveal that they are in a relationship. Sally tells Harry about Joe, who she recently started dating and Harry tells Sally about Helen, the woman he is engaged to marry. Harry asks Sally if they can be friends but Sally remembers Harrys notion that men and women cannot be friend without having sex so she cannot agree to his request. Once the plane lands, they go their separate ways and do not see one another again until another five years pass. They have a chance meeting in a New York City bookstore and agree to have coffee. While talking, each reveals that their intimate relationships have ended. They later take a walk and decide to be friends. From here they talk on the telephone, have dinner together, and do other fun activities together. Throughout these scenes, each continues to date and these dates highlight the different viewpoints each has towards male female relationships (Ephron, 1989). The different dating experiences strengthen the argument that each has made since the beginning of the film.

    As the movie progresses, the initial impression that Harry and Sally had of each other begins to change. This change starts during their walk when they decide they can be friends after all. However, it is perhaps best shown during the New Years Eve scene where Harry and Sally are at a party and begin to feel attracted to each other. The two continue to date even though these dates ultimately fail to become long term and meaningful intimate relationships. Then everything changes the night Sally calls Harry in tears because her ex-boyfriend, Joe, is engaged to be married to someone else. Harry comes over to comfort her and they end up having sex (Ephron, 1989). Tension between the two follows and arguments ensue. However, at a different New Years party Sally realizes that she misses Harry until Harry shows up to declare is love, which ultimately proves Harrys point that men and women cannot be in friend relationships because sex always gets in the way. When Harry and Sally were just friends their sexual encounter ruined that relationship. However, when they admitted their feelings for one another they were able to move beyond mere friendship to allow an intimate relationship to form.

    Harry and Sally show classic signs of uncertainty reduction theory throughout the film. The uncertainty reduction theory suggests that human beings feel the need to reduce the uncertainty the feel about other human beings by learning as much about them as possible. This information can then be used to make predictions regarding what the other person is likely to do or not do. This theory is important during the first phases of relationships when the two people are still forming opinions about one another. The ability to make predictions allows a person to feel as if heshe is really getting to know someone so they can feel less vulnerable as the relationship progresses. At the same time, this theory was not evident during the first part of the film because Harry and Sally had no desire to further their relationship. However, as time progressed and they learned more about each other this theory came into play.

    Harry and Sally took an active approach in reducing uncertainty during the first parts of the film when they interacted with one another as well as when they observed (through conversation) the actions of the other with regards to dating relationships. These observations allowed them to formulate a more comprehensive picture of the other so they were able to reduce uncertainty about their own relationship. Harry and Sally also interacted with one another which eventually allowed them to reduce uncertainty about each other as well. Ultimately, it appears that in the case of male female intimate relationships it is essential that each person reduce uncertainty about the other person. Otherwise the relationship has little chance of being successful. In the case of Harry and Sally, this meant learning about the other persons viewpoint in order to better understand what was influencing the other person to think is a specific way so that each could become more comfortable with the other. This can be quite successful  as is evident by the eventual marriage between Harry and Sally.